Greetings: Moore or Less

Hello. Um, welcome. And so forth.

I was looking at my collection of DVDs yesterday (including ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, ‘World at War’, and ‘Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things’ – a Holy Trinity of comedy, documentary and cautionary) when I noticed ‘A View To A Kill’ hidden behind the pile. With a free afternoon, I decided to watch it with the audio commentary supplied by the eloquent Roger Moore.

Now for those of you who’ve never seen it, ‘A View To A Kill’ is perhaps the most cheesy and balls-out fun Bond movie ever: a killer fly fisherman, a plot to submerge Silicon Valley underwater, and that scene where 007 decides to bake a quiche.

So with all that, you’d think octogenarian Roger Moore (who was last seen delighting audiences in a cameo role as a shifty-looking passenger on a gay cruise in Boat Trip) would seize the opportunity to chat about all the shenanigans on set, like the experience of filming a love scene that is far more harrowing and creepy than walking in on your own parents:

Instead, I was greeted by his solemn voice informing me of his decision not to discuss “what actually happened during the shooting of the film.” And he definitely kept his promise. Within minutes, he was talking about such things as Cubby Broccoli’s licence plate number, but then suddenly he delivered the most satisfying non-sequitur ever recorded.

Patrick McKnee was also my, uh, Watson when I played Sherlock Holmes, uh, which we shot at 20th Century Fox. With a wonderful all-star cast: John Huston playing Moriarty, and Gig Young, and um… David Huddleston, Jackie Coogan … an amazing, amazing cast. Produced and directed by Boris Sagal. Whose daughter was so wonderful in that, um, crass American series that I love, The Al Bundy Show… But Boris Sagal, he tragically died, uhhh, directing a film when he stepped back into a helicopter blade. Absolutely awful…To play Sherlock Holmes was as much of a challenge as playing Bond.

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