“New Year’s Eve”: The apocalypse starts here…

This ‘comedy’ ensemble film has already been torn to shreds by countless critics across the world due to its clichéd, inconsequential stories that are full of overly simple pratfalls and resolutions.

It’s not so much a movie as it is a challenge to your soul. I mean, it’s one thing for a movie to have a boring plot. It’s quite another to have ten boring plots, each more cliched than the next.

But here’s some people who could’ve spiced things up (and I’ve even written some cutesy, innocuous lines for them to read):

Ryan Gosling: “Anything happens in that five minutes before and after midnight and I’m yours, no matter what.”

Nicholas Cage: “If you love me, meet me here on January 22nd.”

Tang Wei: “January 22nd?”

Nicholas Cage: “Chinese New Year’s Eve…” *winks*

Dustin Hoffman: “YOU WERE SO CONCERNED ABOUT WATCHING THAT DAMN BALL DROP THAT YOU LET OUR MARRIAGE DROP!”

Gary Oldman: “I can’t see 20-20 with these new damn glasses.”

Benedict Cumberbatch: “I’d rather see 2012 with you.”

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