“Human Centipede II”

There is throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, and then there is The Human Centipede II: a wall so utterly smothered in it that everything that hits the faeces-covered surface splatters off into a dense, putrid pile of narcoleptic aimlessness.

It’s a meta-narrative (Shyamalamadingdong!) about a car park attendant who’s influenced by the original movie and thus attempts to build a centipede of his own…

Now close your eyes and picture the type of person who staples people together, anus-to-mouth. Now open your eyes. Identical?

Also, how did you read my instructions to “open your eyes” if they were closed?

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