Top 5 Worst Movie Titles of 2011

This is the time when all film critics release their Top 10 or 5 Films of the Year list. Unfortunately, I’m not paid to visit festivals to watch motion pictures before their official release (I’m not bitter).

Instead, I thought I’d choose my Top 5 Worst Movie Titles of 2011.

(And please note: in the interest of not filling every entry with blockbusters like ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules’ and ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked’ the entire portfolio of children’s films have been omitted on compassionate grounds.)

5. We Bought A Zoo

Like ‘Jumanji’ but with more cages and financial transactions, ‘We Bought a Zoo’ is a does-what-it-says-on-the-tin movie. Since it’s a predictable choice I’ll tuck it in here at number five, kiss it on the forehead, dim the lights, and simply move on to the much, much worse.

Suggested alternatives: ‘We Bought A Zoo?’ (If you add a question mark, it instantly becomes an Ashton Kutcher vehicle and can then be immediately discredited.)

4. Mission-Impossible: Ghost Protocol

That hyphen ain’t foolin’ no one! It’s only included because ‘Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ would look like punctuation overkill.

Suggested alternatives: ‘Mission: Impossible: Colon: Reloaded?’ (As long as people don’t mistake the anatomical version with the punctuation mark.)

3. J. Edgar

Very similar to ‘Hugo’, it’s neither a creative nor interesting title. ‘Paul’, also. But my Dad’s named Paul and he would weep if he heard me say that.

Suggested alternatives: ‘F.B.I. Love You.’

2. Source Code

This annoyed me no end, especially as it’s a good film. When I recommended it to friends, they all heard it as ‘Sauce Code.’ Like I harboured some secret recipe for Ragu.

Suggested alternatives: ‘Remorse Code.’

1. The Adjustment Bureau

Hardly ‘Inception’, is it? “I’ve made a mistake on my tax returns. Better call The Adjustment Bureau.” Also, you may have noticed that two Matt Damon movies bookend this list; he’s had a tough year.

Suggested alternatives: ‘The A-Team.’

Side note: If you’re interested, my favourite film title of the year was ‘The Skin I Live In’ (incidentally also Ed Gein’s favourite).


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