Contraband Trailer

If Mark Wahlberg pushes you to the ground and puts a gun to your head while warning you not to touch his loved ones, the last thing you should consider putting on your To-Do list is “touch the wife or kid of the Wahlberg family.” Obviously Giovanni Ribisi didn’t get that memo. Here’s the new trailer for Contraband in which he’s harming wives and kids like nobody’s business. Geez, take a hint?

Also, you may have noticed that it features a brief montage of Kate Beckinsale putting on her clothes. Now I don’t wanna tell you trailer-makers how to do your job, but you might wanna consider playing that footage backward. And slowly.

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Human Centipede II Trailer

I was a bit late to whole ‘Human Centipede’ phenomenon. And when I finally caught it on channel ‘Syfy’, it left me with a foul taste in my mouth. A bit like the last person in the dreaded sequence.

Of course, critics panned it for being a “grotesque fusion of atrocities,” but it did become a cult movie mainly through word-of-mouth. Okay – I’m not gonna mention “mouth” again, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, director Tom Six has worked on a follow-up (again, please ignore any relation to the film) which has been banned over here. The British Board of Film Classification objected to it because,

The principal focus is the sexual arousal of the central character at both the idea and the spectacle of the total degradation, humiliation, mutilation, torture, and murder of his naked victims…

Hmm. Maybe he should have romanced the Centipede first? Dinner? Dancing? A marriage proposal? See for yourself, ’cause here’s the official teaser trailer:

Looks like there’s a new creep around town who feels the need to combine sewing with arseholes. Great minds think alike? Not really, since the new villain is just an ordinary lunatic who saw the first film and decided to try it out. Makes sense.

Also, Tom Six, thanks for casting another creepy-looking guy who will ruin my sleep patterns:

 


The Descendants Trailer

Looking forward to the long-awaited return of Alexander Payne as a director.

When his last film was out (‘Sideways’, 2004) I was still wearing spiderman pyjamas.

The new film has already spawned a meme site: Who Is He? But still, no matter how long                 Mr Clooney grows old and his beard, he still won’t beat Mr Connery’s You’re The Man Now, Dog!

According to Wikipedia, the protagonist in the new film “tries to reconnect with his two daughters after his wife suffers a serious boating accident.” And, with no sense of irony, they still list it as a ‘comedy.’

Then again, Carol Burnett did once say “Tragedy + time = Comedy”, although she was a notorious drunk who liked the company of Henry Kissinger, so we can go ahead and discount everything she’s ever said or done.

I suppose Payne is already well-known for his dark humour, beginning with his film ‘Citizen Ruth’ back in 1996, which focused on the farcical consequences surrounding an alcoholic pregnant woman. (Well, at least she never drank alone, amiright?)

[pause for laughter and/or disapproval]

Seems not much has changed with Payne. Cue “And i still wear spiderman pyjamas” joke.